I could not sleep last night.  I turned off the TV and tried and tried to fall into a sleep but it was not gonna happen.  I did take a 20 minute catnap in the afternoon.  I did go and work my chubby body out, even sweated.  But sleep was elusive.  So I envisioned my skinny body out on a beach in a hammock with the surf gently lapping at the shoreline, a soft breeze.  Still it was elusive. So I did what I have been doing for the past 4 weeks and saying ‘What are you going to?’.  This question runs through my head 23 hours a day and I am sick of it.  Every time I hit the skids and find myself reassessing, I always go to ‘wouldn’t it be great to just have my own business?’ For 5 years I have wanted my own place, eclectic in what items would be in it, but whimsy and inviting for men and women.  Everytime I go to this place and everytime I allow good sense to prevail and get a job that I seemed doomed to fail either by silly detail mistakes or abusive behaviour from the boss or just boredom for not letting me be who I am.  I remember being asked what I can bring to the table and I remember thinking to myself people don’t have enough parties for me to host and organize.  That comes without thinking, just a natural feeling I get.  I am in Dallas of all places, even a chubby girl can throw a good party and make sure everyone has a good time.  So many dreams, can a Christmas Miracle be mine this year?

Dream job and I have said it before : I want to be a travel writer and host.  I want to travel and explore.  Sadly my last big trip I had been so tripped up with life items that affected me and followed me on my trip that I lost the zeal to write and feel and I did well with my photography but my self esteem was down even then, I thought the change would help me shake it off, but it did not.  Although I must admit I love my photos.  I wrote about my Vietnam trip on this blog and truly enjoyed sharing.  The other idea is to have a wine and literature social bar.  It would be very eclectic as I love to bring in lots of ideas.  Just a place to feel free to be yourself and allow me to be the hostess I use to love to be.  So why have I not achieved any of these or have I?  I ran a very successful book and wine club and used my hostess abilities and loved it.  I blog about my travel and very few have read it but I did it.  Problem is that I have no way of making a living off of these things, so therefor I am stuck in a rut.  Frankly I don’t believe in myself anymore, physically I have no self esteem.  Like right now I am hiding in the dark on a beautiful day because frankly I don’t know what to do and I don’t have anything to wear to feel confident to walk outside.  It is like the weight gain is a my defense armor but it also shoots down my ability to boost my self esteem and confidence.  How do I reach my goals, and how do I survive the next days, weeks before I find myself living in a cardboard box under the overpass?

Interviews during this time of the year do they really occur?  Do they really hire?  It is has been dry and it breeds insecurity and fear like no one else.  How do I push past that to move forward and realize the real dreams?  Can I do this successfully?  Can I achieve one of these dreams and live life again?

Chapter 1…… What do you see?……….

What would you think to yourself if you saw this woman?  Statuesque, curvaceous, stylish hair the color of chestnuts with glints of red highlights, prominent cheekbones, and sparkling green eyes and soft porcelain skin?  She walks with grace and dignity, her head held up, she smiles when spoken to.  She frequently wears very stylish  glasses during work and relaxing time and for vanities sake she wears her contacts during  social activities.  She dresses elegantly, tailored to her fit and whatever her activity was for the moment, you never saw anything out of place.  What would you think?  That she must be a successful, bright, self-confident woman and might even be married but definitely not single. Would it surprise you to find out that it was all just a façade?  That this woman who walked the part, talked the part and acted the part was just a scared and lonely woman?  All she sees are her flaws, regardless of what others tell her.  She craves love and acceptance most, along with success in all avenues of her life. The men she dates are all very successful with their careers, they take her out and wine and dine her, she finds herself attracted to powerful, aggressive men. Men with self confidence and assurance, but, they do not stay around long enough to really get to know her.  When she gets her hopes up about one man, he simply and quickly puts the flame out and is often told that they are just not ready.  When will she meet someone that is ready?  Or is that just a line?  Was she just to impatient?  One brief boyfriend said that she had what most women desired. She is beautiful, her face is angular with almond shaped eyes, everything is proportion in the right areas.  She holds herself with grace.  Beautiful in every form, however along with the flawless look she held, the most charming thing he liked was that she had the slightest crooked teeth. Her smile was the best he had encountered.  God, he was great to her, it really hurt when he dashed her hopes. She fears rejection and confrontations. She will do anything to avoid both.  Rejection often sends her into depression and she has a hard and slow time crawling back up and trying again. She has no control over her love life and it frustrates the hell out of her.  She works hard on this outer shell, but the inner self is still being suffocated by doubts and a dampened spirit.  She lives in fear that someone might find out the truth about her.  She suffers severe bouts of depression and takes medication to keep the incessant villain of depression away.  Confrontation, just makes her cower, if she would stand up for herself in a confrontation she would find that she is pretty strong and assured in herself, but she talks herself out of the issue and just accepts defeat.  Would anyone really love her if they knew this about her?  Would anyone really love her ever?  Parents and friends were a different love, she wanted a partner, a wonderful man to love her as she was.  Would her dreams ever come true?  How long must she wait?

So 2 months later and I am re-reading my words and am okay letting them stand where they are.  This chaotic little soul of mine is soaring high, some trips and dips in the way.  But I am a lucky little soul of late.

I have devoured every page of his Girl series.  Today I saw the last of the trilogy on film.  And I must say it was hard  to say goodbye to Lisbeth Salander.  This character was brilliant.  Strong yet fragile.  Silent but her soul and her eyes spoke volumes.  I could not help but be her cheerleader.  I absolutely hated saying goodbye to her.  I must say I got a little weepy when the last scene came across.  Saying goodbye to one of her favorite champions.  I wanted to shout, please come back.  You are awesome.  The film sadly was not able to convey all the definitive details that Larsson gives us in the book so the movie was really a gift for those of us who enjoyed his words on paper.  Thank you!  What a fabulous bonus to follow Lisbeth on the screen and as morbid as it was I loved seeing the scene where she puts the pneumatic nail gun to her half-brothers feet.  Finally, she got him!

I guess what also goes across in my mind is are there women out there that had been subjected to such evil? And how I hope there is a hero in all of us to bring justice to those who have been hurt.  I love those who I see in my world and yes, it is very limited but I love people who dress how they feel and don’t care what others think, they are definitely real to a point.  Mind us all that we have to wear in whatever fashion it comes across things that helps us feel safe.  We are all guarded to a p0int. some more so than others.

But the point is that for all the dressing we apply it is a part of us and to be ridiculed or demeaned because we don’t follow what our current society deems appropriate it always important (well to me it is) to appreciate the person they are.  We all have our own beliefs that work for us.  Accept your neighbors don’t try to change them but appreciate the odd one that stands out.  Cause in a way they are way more braver than we are.

This is my ode to Lisbeth Salander.  I am sure she would not ever deem to talk to me as the yuppie looking girl but I love her spirit and passion.  May we all appreciate our own passions and spirit and grow stronger as we progress in life.  May we all have empathy for those not like us.  I may look like what society finds acceptable but in the long run we are all still walking a path that is solo.  For those lucky to have a hand to hold onto as we walk the path never swat at it, it may be the hand that pulls you up off the ground when you scrape your knee or twist your ankle for those who do not have hand to grab onto, then hold your other for we are all stronger than we give ourselves credit for.

So why the title dating hell? Because it is.  You try all these options when you are ready to get out there and really what is the percentage of success in this?  Oh, sure you hear a lot (especially lately) that such and such met on a dating site…..so I decided to give it a go and spend a few dollars overlooking the ‘organic’ lack there of in pursuing a relationship.  I have to admit I must be shallow, cause the chemistry is a huge priority in my search.  Images only tell a smidge of the story.  What counts is what is behind the image and the personality when segued from the a smattering of keys on a screen.  Anyone can flirt.  And you know what else.  Trust.  We give out our trust sight unseen till they give you reasons.  I equivelate trust with happiness.  Once you lose some of the trust your happiness dissipates a bit more and the window shuts down a little closer so you can push the latch to lock.  I think that is why I detest more than a couple of days of cyber chat.  You can’t even tell a good story.  You can’t see facial expressions nor inflections in the voice.  You miss out on so much.

My experience right now is that I am over the cyber chatting, it is day 5 and although my amour interest states he wants to see me.  His actions following afterwards is falling way short.  And although you overlook some unanswered queries you then begin to wonder.  What is up with this?  So you try the assertive prospect because the file on him said he liked that.  So what is there to lose?  Well, dang it a lot.  What one says and what one does can be very confusing and although you would like to think the best about a person, they are halting all avenues to move forward with the inaction.  So what do you do? I am a woman, I have conservative old-fashioned ideas that get merged with new acceptions in social morays of today.  And still I am not finding what I want and need in my life now.  It is simply dating hell.

Why do we look for companions?  In my case my personality craves acceptance and someone who just gets me, challenges me and helps elevate the feelings of being alive and vivacious. A part of me wants to be the generous creature of giving and affection that lurks from inside.  It is what I am ready for.  So what is up with all the bad timing?  Why can’t we all get our act together and begin working on the same goal?  Life is messy.

It will be interesting to see if this amour of mine follows through.  I have given myself and him a deadline.  Next Saturday if no date scheduled I gotta cut and release and try this again.  The timing seemed right on this and the personalities seem to match so I don’t understand the hesitation to move forward.  And I may never understand.  I had a dream last night that alluded to a non meet and in the dream I was just as confused.  So dare I publish this and let my friends and acquaintances be aware of my dismal dating prospects?  I moved to Addison thinking a new change my invigorate and initiate a newer, braver and bolder chapter in my love life.  oh so frustrating now.  The rule I keep getting on both sides of the fence is men want assertiveness and women remind me that they also like the mystery.  So I am working on focusing on be assertively mysterious……huh?  I may fail this test.  I just want to be myself. But instincts throughout the years has also shown men like the chase but I am finding this to be an elusive myth.

Well let me know if this topic is of any interest, if so I may use this forum again.  If not I will let you know if I am doomed to be a damn old hag or happily secure love partner.  What pisses me off is I am not really given the choice in this matter.  I only get to give 50%  investment in it and hope I can find the other 50% to match!

And yes I am enviously happy for those who find the 100% combination and make it work…….T

She is encouraging me to do something that I have wanted to do and yet I never told her what it was.  So I feel strengthened now.  Before I called her I sat outside on the bench and spoke aloud to God.  I told him how confused and utterly frustrated I was in this moment.  How I asked for some divine guidance, some wisdom to come my way.  Something to relieve all the pressure I felt.  I acknowledged that I was not built for confrontation nor conflict, it scares the hell out of me and how much I needed a leader and a protector in my life right now to guide me and push me down the path.  Then I found my pal’s phone number and the rest you already know.  Pretty cool.  I now know God listens and not the crazy neighbor across the street. 

We get so overwhelmed with things in our lives and you think you may actually drown and or suffocate.  I am not out of the weeds.  I have alot of work to do.  I just want the pain to ebb away and let me gain my strength and breath back so I can fight it even harder when or if it flows back to me.  But my friend did say one thing, you always find something and she knows I will survive and I think although I know this myself deep down that to hear it in a positive way from a person I respect and adore so much, well it just made my night a little easier to sleep. 

Good night and for those who believe in the Christian faith, keep your prayers strong and perhaps include me in them, I need some warriors on my side right now.  For those who observe Easter, have a pleasant one and be kind and generous, have a fabulous Easter dinner, a great nap and then do the dishes later.  I know I will.

 was a tiny little thing and not old enough to drink the wine but dang, she made a fantastic suggestion and I am now hunting down a way to stock my own quasi wine cellar with this fabulous wine called 39 Degrees Petit Syrah.

 

 39 Degree Petit Syrah (not sure what year, dang that flash)

Our waitress has some awesome goals and will be a star in the hospitality industry her star is already ascending, go girl, go!  This wine went really well with our Edamame, Hawaiian Tuna Sashimi with tri-colored Tobiko, yum! and to have a little fun we loved the roll named Lady in Red, ooh so spicy and delicious and paired really well with our wine.  The manager came over and visited with us and I want to give props to the staff there, they are wonderful, welcoming, warm, courteous, inviting and knowledgable.  I can’t wait to go back again.  I do have one suggestion.  I had mentioned to the manager how much I love Escolar, that I base everything on how the Escolar tastes.  Now I usually do this by ordering it sashimi style but they did not offer it sashimi but rather smoked it and I was intrigued by this.  So he had the chef prepare a little know dish not on the menu called Snowballs and yummy!  Fabulous texture, just the right hint of smokiness and blended so so very well with our Petite Sirah.  (If you are a fan of Eslcolar you have to go over ‘The Fish’ for a great sashimi dish, melts like butter on your tongue)

So back to my town ‘Dallas’.  I must admit I am a snob, I won’t go past 635 if I don’t have to.  I love my side of town, I have Mockingbird Station, Northpark Mall, a brand new Whole Foods, West Village my three favorite movie venues, Angelika, Magnolia and The Inwood, hey if you ever chose to see a movie there and it is upstairs, that screening room rocks!  I like what Inwood has done to their space, it is always a treat to spend some time there. (Wow, when I am blogging I don’t really do the whole shout out thing, but I am realizing how awesome of place I live in and today feels like the right time to ‘shout out’). Everytime I walk into Veritas I run into someone I know.  Seems a lot of the crowd that gathers at my personal favorite watering hole called ‘The Wine Therapist’ also makes time to visit and sip for a while at Veritas.  One thing you can say about the East Dallas crowd is they are a very loyal group.  And there are a lot of us.  Now while I cannot currently claim myself as an Eastie, I manage to head there frequently for all m socializing.  As soon as I meet my obligations where I am currently residing I will be back. Currently I chose to live closer to my previous job location which lead me to what I call the ‘Gayborhood’ just off Cedar Springs and Oak Lawn.  I did not coin this phrase, but I can’t really view it as a phrase that is offensive, I mean, heck majority of my neighbors are proudly flying their flag and make their statement.  I enjoy the eclecticism and energy this side of town has.  It suits me.  I feel normal here, crazy huh?  I have never felt like I fit in with any group and here you are accepted as you are and that feels good.  NO, I am not gay and yes, dating life took a downturn a bit, which really needs to be rectified.  But one thing for sure I can often get my friends to come down to my side of town and I love to shock them with a visit to the ’Rose Room’ it is something they would never do on purpose on their own.  So they say!  

Loyalty is a strong characteristic to have and I have to say Dallas has that character in spades.  I am proud to be a Dallasite and I love promoting my city as much as possible.  There is an area in Dallas that will fit everyone’s personality.  Dallas has a reputation some good and some not so good.  Dallas is kind of like a bright and shiny bauble you can’t help but be fascinated with and want to jump in and play and be apart of the crowd, but if you are not in the ‘it’ crowd you can feel a bit remiss for putting your hopes in being one of the ‘its’ and then sometimes turn bitter.  I love meeting those people, they are so clueless and frankly are missing the ‘big picture’.  They bulk up the entire city and if you are not in the ‘it’ category and the definition in loose terms is being  pretty/beautiful, unblemished, young, tight and financially well satiated either by their own means or piggybacking off of Mommy and Daddy or Sugar Daddy then you ain’t gonna get bupkus!  And that pisses these interlopers off so much that they diss the town.  Honey, they are a difficult crowd to infiltrate, I have yet to meet one who has been truly successful.  (I know I don’t belong to that crowd, hell, I created my own crowd and it involves a lot of mixes and I am pretty happy.  Just need a full time paycheck to erase some of my worry lines and hopefully soon something is going to pan out and erase the line.)  But what is forgotten is that those people take up in my conservative guess about 1% of our shiny, happy people bauble that Dallas so seemingly has been branded as.  But they are so pretty, eh, just like a peacock, gorgeous to look at, but do you really want that thing always strutting in your front yard all the time?  They can adore you one moment and then well we know what happens on the downswing, right?  That small percentage in it’s own ways helps open doors for the rest of folks who always make Dallas such a fabulous place to live.  Plus we are a loyal crowd and generous too.

For so long I have hosted events and worked tirelessly for free.  Trying to make the mind shift that my time is valuable and someone else will see this and award me more opportunities to more of these.  This event I am doing all started for the love of a book I presented to my Words and Wine group over a year ago.  I found they had made this favorite read of mine into a movie and I constantly kept my eye out for when it may come to the United States.  When it did I contacted the film production company and asked them about hosting an event.  From there the ball got rolling and now look at it.  I am hosting not one event in Dallas but two, driving to Houston tomorrow for the same thing.  I made a few mistakes along the way and I cratered in when I found I could not have my way completely.  I am not a confrontational individual and this has been a HUGE learning lesson.  I found out more about myself than I anticipated.  Now, let’s see if I am smart enough to remember these lessons for the next adventure I create.  If not, then I have committed insanity.  Let’s hope I am smarter than that.

I just read a fantastic book, one I can’t wait to discuss with my Words and Wine Group.  At first I got the book because it sounded interesting and I thought I might read it.  I let someone else read it first and she absolutely loved it but I still resisted picking it up. I had been reading 20th century gothic tales and Swedish mystery novels of late and could not fathom the interest in reading about the 60′s, the south and domestic duties.  But I finally opened the book and devoured it like a good piece of caramel cake.  I gotta find a recipe for that and make it for the group, if I don’t burn it first. 

I am no cooking diva nor domestic goddess but I do love good food and a clean house so I gotta fight my laziness for the grandeur.  I do recommend highly that you check out ‘The Help’ by first time novelist Kathryn Stockett and enjoy the read as much as I did.  Now to be frank I did read another book to help me segue from the mystery novels I had been devouring before going to the slower paced and authentic feeling read.  I found a book titled ‘Saving Cee Cee Honycutt’ by Beth Hoffman. What a joyful little read it was.  The story starts you off in Ohio and leads  you down to sultry Savannah.  The young character is full of life and you are rooting for her all the way.  So if you need help getting turned on to the south start off with this book or go directly to The Help you won’t be disappointed.

We all met at a Caribbean restaurant in Addison.  It is called the ‘Scarlet Ibis’.  Now I am an adventurer in all senses, food, folks, words….etc…  The jerk chicken I shared with a friend was lovely and had the right bite of heat to it.  They also have this lovely dessert (don’t know the name) but it is made of carrots and yummy!  If I can encourage the owners I may have some of these lovely little noshes at the event this Wednesday.

Speaking of the event.  We are practically sold out, I have a few seats left and they are going quickly….what am I talking about?  Well I had another brilliant idea and after some enthusiastic emails I was able to arrange a pre-screening for a movie that my group read called ‘The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo’.  I am raising money for a local women’s shelter and invited my organization and others to join me in this event being sponsored by In Town Mix and Music Box Films.  I am so excited.  Although I did have a laugh when my Mom who was looking forward to coming to the event discovered it would be 2 1/2 hours of reading subtitles on the screen…she won’t do that, so now I have a seat open next to me!  Any takers?  

Two great events taking place in less than a week and I am overwhelmed.  Excited. Nervous….no one understands the nervous part, but I have put so much pressure on myself to make sure that everything I do gets great reviews.  I am still unemployed at this time and trying so very hard to make my dream come true.  No, I am not made out to save the world or to even keep it organized.  I was made to make others feel comfortable and I love hosting parties.  So Event Planner is what my dream is along with a few other ideas still brewing.  Silly to some.  I can see that.  But at the same time, what would you do if someone like me was not out there?  Stay at home and watch re-runs?  Well at least with my desires put in play, I get to introduce people to others, bring ideas alive and all in the sake of having joy in your life.  But to be honest, I must admit, I am freaking scared out here without a net.  So I pray my little prayers to continue to instill faith and confidence but sometimes it recedes and friends become concerned because the bubbles in my voice are flat….I don’t like it either, but in order to grow you must go through some growing pains, right?

I want to get to the fun part now.  The event I had over the weekend was a book paired with wine event.  I wanted to know what individuals in the group would share as their favorite book, author or even genre and what type of wine they would pair it with.  Boy!  I was incredibly impressed.  Next time I am going to get a wine expert to join us and explain the types of wine in more detail and compare it to the readers interest in the wine.  I tried some great reds….stayed away from the whites, just was not feeling it.  But here is the list and if you are easily offended I must tell you one pairing has curse words, so you are formally warned. 

Here is a list of what some of the participants brought, I am just typing what they wrote down:

• Mayowa: The Count of Monte Cristo Paired with a Riesling
• Carol: The Shack Paired with whatever was on the table
• Mary: Ex Libris: Confessions of a Common Reader paired with Famegar Portuguese White
• Jessica: The Fuck Up Paired with Bitch
• Christina: When you are engulfed in flames, I was told there would be cake, unaccustomed Earth Paired with borrowed wine (curious, I did not see this pairing in person)
• Katie: The Story of Miss Moppet Paired with Layer Cake Malbec (Yummy!) her note says ‘This book I read as a child over and over, to me it is a dessert read, just like the Malbec’
• Megan: Brave New World Paired with Furgue 3 Cepas (Delicous!)
• Grace: To Kill a Mockingbird Paired with Dragon’s Hollow Riesling
• Catherine: Everything is Illuminated Paired with Maperna Malbec (My, Malbec was quite popular and yummy!)
• Angela: Love Letters in the Sand Paired with whatever was on the table
• Francis: Talked, Drank, and Ate…….pretty good too!
• Belinda: No book but Paired her conversations with 2005 Riesling
• Robert: This Business of Music Paire with a good cup or two of Coffee
• Christy: Talked, Drank and Ate…..
• Cynthia: The Madame Paired with Wyland Super Tuscon
• Laura: Last Lecture Paired with Smoking Loon Pinot Noir
• Monica: Un Giorno in Pui Paired with Le Rose De Larcis Ducasse (felt like I was Italy for a moment)
• Angela W: Time Traveler’s Wife Paired with Beaujolais Nouveau
• Susan B: Still Alice by Lisa Genova Paire with Edna Valley Chardonnay
• Alix F: The Richest Man Paired with whatever was being poured
• Aurora A: The Great Gatsby Paired with whatever was on the table
• Michael: Gefluegelt Worte Paired with whatever was on the table (for a moment I got to go visit Germany)
• Me: Moveable Feast Paired with Big Sexy Red (or whatever Malbec I could get poured into my glass)

It was a lot of fun.  You shoulda’ been there!

My quote today comes from a book I am reading that will be discussed in my Words and Wine Group next month titled: Why Him?  Why Her? by Helen Fisher.  I took the personality test and discovered what I already knew to some degree that I am an explorer…..so now I am reading to find what that means to me in the Love Relationship section of my life.  What is funny is I have not been looking nor vaguely interested and believe me I date a lot.  So taking this self-imposed break has been good for the soul.  Just doing a little focusing on me and gaining my confidence to a new heightened level and finding I can be very happy with or without a lover.  However, I am almost ready to enter back into the world.  No, nothing in the recent past has caused this break, it was something my intuition was telling me.  But I feel the break is almost over.  Why?  Well in the course of 24 hours a book on relationships was proposed for me to host and the immediate number of attendees tells me we are going to have a fun turnout.  Heck even my Mama got interested in this and she is ultra conservative and repeatedly tells me she will never marry again or date (recently widowed ) but she is curious about this stuff.  Then another gal approached me about collaborating with her on writing a book on dating and other disasters and lastly having an off the wall discussion about MY dating life and its faux pas, that I did not (and I usually do) bring up.  So the break may be coming sooner than I think.  I’ll let you know if anything exciting happens.  I am especially proud of myself this week, because I stood up for ME and I don’t do that normally, but eh, I am changing and evolving and realized that this particular bully could not bully me and it felt great to say so! 

Looking forward to an adventurous weekend……today’s quote: 

~ Lets us not follow where the path may lead. Let us go instead where there is not path, and leave a trail~

 Japanese Proverb

Frist I have to admit, I had my first lesson in developing a thicker skin when it comes down to my reputation.  Someone I knew for a very, very short time did not have a positive review to give of me to a member of mine in Words and Wine and frankly I was deeply offended, so much so that I wrote said person an email indicating my disappointment in his review and reminding said person we live in a very small world  and it is best to we all be on good behaviour, but especially not trash another person.  Said person has a company he is working on becoming successful and I am doing the same for myself, geeze I am still frustrated by this.  I also question why the person who told me this felt compelled to do so.  I always think the best of others til proven otherwise so I think my informant meant to be helpful.  Lesson learned, check!  Not everyone is gonna like you and that is okay.  But I say you better have a damn good reason and do what my momma advised me ‘If you have nothing nice to say then don’t say anything at all’  Thanks Mom.

Speaking of my mom, I got my her set up on Facebook the other night and she is slowly getting out of her shell and talking to old friends and family.  It is nice to be able to recognize the baby steps and I am fully supportive of this.  She is a funny lady, I like to think I have some of her humor in my  genes.   Now she is slowly getting out there and finding others are completely supportive of her and care about her.  Very nice!    Last Sunday we met up and went out for a girls day out.  Stopping by some lovely stores in off of Lovers Lane and Inwood.  Reminiscing about the times she had her store ‘Suite Designs’ in San Angelo and admitting she misses it and would love to have a store again.  Truth be told, her store would be extremely successful.  Her taste and I might add I did get this gene from her is impeccable and spot on.  I was not dressed to impress that day and was rather embarrassed to be seen out in public.  I did not feel great when she talked me into this day out, I through on my Baylor Bears sweatshirt and jeans and speaking of jeans I don’t have any them anymore….found a nice big rip in the wrong section of my legs so bye-bye jeans plus I took out my contacts and was wear these god-awful glasses that are the wrong prescription by several years.  So needless to say I could not see very well.  But we rummaged through ’The Market’ and ‘Random’ finding inspiration in the colors, textures and ambiance.  We both love creating beautiful spaces that is for certain.  After a bit of shopping in the Inwood/Lovers Lane area we headed to North Park Mall so she could pick up a new outfit.  Yes, I was a bit jealous, I remember as a child these shopping sprees included me getting things too.  Oh, how I miss those days, but my time is coming very, very soon.  We ran in to J Jill, I love their pure Jill collection.  I found an outfit that is perfect for what I need now, so for motivation I have the picture of the outfit staring right at me every time I sit down at this computer.  Having some material items just help ease the non-material ways of your life.   

Ah the effortless ways that work is coming to me is amazing.  I have applied a different way of thinking and applying those thoughts I find I am reaping significant rewards.  I did get my first paycheck, small, but wonderous.  I got paid for writing and offering other supportive efforts for a company I am involved in.  I am so proud to have actually gotten a paycheck for my writings. I have a lot more to do in finessing my writing styles, but, hey, at this point of the game having what I do become successful at this stage is major ‘kudos’ for me.  I have a few options available to me now and I am taking on all the responsibilities for these opportunities, as I feel they complement each other very well.  I am working as an Account Executive for a Public Relations firm.  I hold dual roles in this capacity.  On one end I am working to gain clients for the firm and the other end I am working to locate organizations and such to develop further exposure for my client’s business.  So totally up my alley.  During my working career I have always been the most enthusiastic in preparing events.  It comes naturally.  The other company is a Media firm and I get to enjoy myself by going to press/media events and then writing up reviews and press releases for our readers.  Plus with the ways the cards are laying out now, a more beneficial position may come to light in the next few days.  The last thing I am doing is consulting on events.  I am hosting an event at least once a week now.  Being a hostess and seeing to it that others have a great time is a complete joy for me.  I am often humbled when I recall my days as a very shy introverted young lady and where I am now.  It grounds me. 

I am really excited that my Aussie gal is coming to town this weekend.  We are going to nourish her starved taste buds with some Tex Mex at Chuy’s and a lot of other plans.  I am excited to see her and to see another friend who I have had very little contact with in the past year.  We will miss our 4th pardner in crime, unfortunately she is out of town….but to get the four amigos back together again, well I am excited to say the least.

Well like I mentioned before I am working on lots of events. Meeting some of my group members this afternoon to hear Beth Moore on her latest book.  Hosting a Book and Wine Pairing at Scarlet Ibis next Saturday, and my biggest one is doing a red carpet event in both Dallas and Houston.  Gotta keep the details to myself till I get okay’s from all my sponsors and supporters but it will be widely known by next week.  Keep your eye out! 

I guess I had nothing really significant to discuss today, that chalk this rambling up to just that ‘ramblings’……Later!

Below is a description of the story.  Support Independent films and great writing!  I keep hoping someone picks up Carlos Ruiz Zafon’s novels and turns them into film!  If you don’t know him, you soon will.  Check out Shadow in the Wind and Angel’s Game….we will be discussing Angel’s Game next week….go to my website for details and come!  Plus check out the authors website, he also composes music to go along with his written work…www.carlosruizzafon.co.uk/

Oh and in respect to Independent films, Angelika Dallas hosted a film a few months ago titled: Familiar Strangers.  It is now available on DVD, check out www.familiarstrangers.com for details.  Great film, very well written.
***In Theaters FRIDAY, April 2nd***

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

“devastating, suspenseful, and satisfying…” – Paper Magazine

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, Stieg Larsson’s bestselling thriller is now a mesmerizing new film! Lisbeth Salander and Mikael Blomkvist are vividly brought to life in this intelligent and suspenseful adaptation, directed by Niels Arden Oplev.
 
Swedish star Michael Nyqvist plays disgraced financial journalist Mikael Blomkvist, hired by Henrik Vanger to solve the murder of his niece, teen heiress Harriet Vanger. Harriet disappeared without a trace forty years ago, and Henrik is convinced she was murdered by a member of the family. Teaming up with Blomkvist to solve the murder is the pierced and tattooed Lisbeth Salander, a ruthless punk-rock super-hacker portrayed by up-and-coming actress Noomi Rapace in an amazing performance. As the pair link Harriet’s disappearance to a number of grotesque murders, they begin to unravel a dark and appalling family history, as Blomkvist and Salander discover just how far the Vanger family will go to protect their secrets…   
 
The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo won Sweden’s Oscar, the Guldbagge, for Best Picture, Best Actress and Audience Award!   
 
Salander loyalists and new fans alike will be riveted by this fantastic film. To watch the trailer and get complete theater listings, visit:  www.DragonTattooFilm.com. A Music Box Films release.